Always You
by Horus.Potter
Summary: Harry had always felt a connection to Hermione; more romantically than friendly perhaps.  But he had Ginny and his life and everything about it was perfect. Except this one night that could change it all, or can it? HP/GW HG/RW HP/\HG


AN: So a lengthier prompt that I've done. After much plotting and consideration I decided not to put the pairings in the summary of the site but rather leave it open-ended to Harry. I can say that there is a geometrical object happening involving Harry/Ginny/Hermione… the story is self-explanatory as it progresses (as stories tend to do). By putting a pairing I would be spoiling the fun of who Harry gets to end up with. And I don't like to spoil the fun. Or confuse people into believing things turn out one way over the other. And I hate confusion.

This short story originated from the writing prompt: They came back every year to lay flowers at the spot:

**Always You**

Harry Potter – the Chosen One Boy Who Lived – had never quite managed to shed his illustrious titles. He did however manage to make a name for himself as an excellent Auror and Ginny Weasley (the famous Quidditch player)'s husband. He had three beautiful children, he was very well off financially, and had just about everything he had always dreamed of. But even in his perfect life there were days when he struggled out of bed. For instance, May 2nd was always rough, the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts where so many good people lost their lives. Another would be Halloween, which was not the day of candy and mischief it had once been for the boy with the lightening scar, but instead it was the day he knew his parents to have died. But the hardest day of all was today. Christmas. Harry would wake up to the sounds of his children's delight, his wife would cook breakfast, they'd sit by the fire and celebrate the joy of family before heading over to the burrow for Christmas dinner to relish in their extended families company. It was a day full of love, and family and friendship. And Harry hated that he couldn't just enjoy it. It always reminded him of his parents. Always. No matter how many years passed he remembered that day that he and Hermione visited his parent's grave on Christmas. He had been back there every year since to lay a wreath on their graves. Every year Hermione went with him no questions asked.

After the long day of laughter, joy and too much food, when the children were tucked in and the fires were burning bright Hermione apparated to Harry's and they apparated together to Godric's Hollow. They went to the graveyard and laid out the wreaths.

"I'm sorry Harry." She said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"How can I miss people I didn't know?" he asked, the first time he ever put voice to such a thought.

Hermione looked sadly at him. "You miss that you never knew them. That they never saw you grow or get married or have children of your own."

Harry didn't respond, only continued staring at the names. "Why do you come with me every year?"

Hermione opened her mouth a few times but couldn't decide what to say.

"I never asked you to. It's like you just knew that I didn't want to go it alone. That I needed you."

"I was with you when you found them." She said as though that explained it.

Harry looked into Hermione's eyes, searching for an answer there that he didn't know the question to.

"Harry?" she asked, his intense stare worrying her.

"I have children." He said obviously continuing on some train of thought he'd been having in his head. "You have children. I've got a wife, you a husband. But we always leave them every year to do this together."

"It's what friends do Harry." She said firmly.

"Why don't I ever ask Ginny to come?"

"Well I suppose you could…"

"She's offered. Every year for twenty years – God has it been that long? Every year in that moment's pause between putting the kids down and you arriving she tries to convince me to take her. I always adamantly speak against it. Why?"

"I don't know Harry." Hermione admitted.

"I've had some ideas for a while." He said, turning his head toward the graves once more.

"What ideas?" Hermione asked.

There was a long silence before Harry broke it again, "Shall we go?

"Harry… why are you ignoring me?"

"I can't talk about this anymore Hermione."

She stared blankly at him, "Talk about what? You haven't said anything."

"About how it's you I want to bring Hermione. How it's always you who I need in moments of stress. How it will always be you. How it's always _been_ you."

"Harry…" Hermione looked flustered, clearly she was misunderstanding. "What are you talking about Harry?"

Harry reached his hands toward Hermione's face, holding either side of her head in a protective grip. He leaned forward slowly, letting her know he would stop if she said so, before placing his lips to hers.

Harry knew what he was doing was wrong. He had a wife and kids for Heaven's sake! He was kissing his best friend. His other best friend's _wife._ But he couldn't stop, not when everything he'd wanted to say for so many years was finally being expressed in this kiss.

Their lips moved together in harmony expressing feelings words didn't understand. It came to pass that Hermione broke away, tears stinging her eyes and nearly crystalizing in the cold. She backed away as though Harry's proximity burned her.

"I have to go Harry." She whispered as tears fell freely from her eyes.

"Hermione wait, I'm sorry. I –"

Hermione shook her head, cutting him off as she disapparated.

Harry stared at the vacant spot, wishing she'd come back. If he just waited a few more minutes she would come back and they could talk about this; he was sure of it. The clock chimed somewhere close to midnight and Harry disapparated.

"Harry! You were gone a lot longer than usual." Ginny said with a sympathetic smile. "You okay?"

Harry looked up at his wife with a pained expression. "Yea. Some days are just harder than others." He said vaguely.

Ginny nodded understandingly and rubbed his back sympathetically. "Come on, let's head up to bed. A good night's sleep will do you good."

Harry nodded and followed his wife up past their children's rooms and into their own.

Harry didn't sleep that night. He kept thinking of what a mess he'd made of everything. He was tempted to modify Hermione's memory, but he'd never be able to erase the look of horror on her face from his own mind; or the tragic site of those regretful tears.

Harry got up and went about his morning routine. Ginny woke up shortly after him with a yawn and a stretch.

"Morning Gin." He said, kissing the top of her head.

"Morning. You were tossing and turning like crazy."

"Was I? Did I keep you up?"

"No matter. Are you okay? You haven't been that restless in years." Ginny said this carefully, not wanting to remind him of the horrors of his past too early in the morning.

"Rough night I guess." Ginny nodded understandingly, though she didn't understand half of what was really going on inside Harry's head.

"Shall I start breakfast?" Harry asked.

"That'd be lovely. I'll be down in a jiff."

"'kay." Harry headed downstairs, going through the monotony of preparing breakfast for five.

"Morning dad!" Lily said as she bounced into the kitchen.

"Morning princess." He kissed the top of her head as he gave her a one armed hug, the frying pan in his other hand. "Are your brothers awake?"

A large crash from the floor above seemed to answer that question. "Guess so." Harry said. "Lil, can you go set the table?"

Lily began organizing the plates around the table as Ginny came into the kitchen, looking cheery as she set to work on helping Harry.

"Boys! Breakfast!" Harry called.

The scrambling of bodies echoed through the house as the boys raced each other down the stairs and into the kitchen. Harry put the food on the serving plates Ginny was holding and she set the plates on the table working as a perfectly cohesive team.

The kids tucked in as Harry and Ginny sat down.

"So kids, what are your doing on this fine Boxing Day?" Harry asked, buttering up some toast.

"We're going to Ron and Hermione's, Harry. Like we do every year." Ginny said.

"Oh, of course." He smiled easily and the conversation changed quickly; but Ginny kept a concerned eye concentrated on her husband.

When breakfast was done and the kids off to play Ginny spoke privately to Harry.

"What's wrong Harry? You came home last night looking, frankly, worse than usual after a night at your parents graves. You were tossing and turning and today you're spaced out."

"I'm fine Ginny. I guess last night was just worse for me than usual." He kissed her softly. "I love you."

"I love you too. I just want to make sure you're alright."

"Fine." He smiled sadly and kissed her again. "Fine."

Harry hoped no one else could feel the tension. He certainly could feel it; weighing down on him – thickening the air with its unspoken words. How could no one else feel the suffocation? He tried to avoid Hermione at all costs. The children were outside having a snowball fight or whatever it was kids did with their youth when it was cold, while the adults conversed inside. Harry nodded and laughed and smiled at all the right moments. He caught Ron's eye a few times, did he know? Was he upset? Was he going to pull Harry aside any moment and hex him? And Hermione; she seemed too calm. Had it happened at all? Was it all in his head?

"Harry!" Ron said, snapping his fingers in Harry's face.

The conversation what were they talking about…

"January 14th." Harry said with confidence. They were talking about the day the new legislation for House Elf Suffrage would be passed.

"How is it Kingsley tells you? I've been on him for weeks about it." Hermione said this in the same tone she always used when she was annoyed about something at work.

"He mentioned it in passing the other day. I think I was meant to tell you but the Holidays ran away with me." Harry said.

"It's not fair that the kids get a whole two weeks for Holiday while we have to go back to work on Monday." Ron said indignantly.

"At least we get the extra day thanks to Christmas being a Friday." Harry put-in mildly.

"Oh yes, very lucky." Ron said a bit heavily on the sarcasm.

A shrieking from the yard alerted the adults to trouble with the children. "I'll take care of it." Harry said as he rushed outside, eager to get out of the same room as Hermione.

"James what are you doing?.!" Harry shouted as he saw Lily's hair tied to a tree branch and James in the tree.

"Nothing." He said quickly as he began frantically untying his sister's hair from the tree.

"James! Honestly, you're nearly fifteen when are you going to stop torturing your sister?"

"Probably never." James admitted unabashedly.

As Lily's hair came free she hit James hard and knocked him out of the tree. "You stupid, stupid, hobgoblin!" she stormed away from James and over to where Rose and Hugo were building a snowman.

Harry looked around. "Where's Al?"

"Umm…" Hugo looked anxiously at the snowman – which Harry noticed had a distinctly human shape.

"You buried him in snow?"

"Technically Uncle Harry we built up snow around his body. By definition it's not really buried so much as encased." Rose said matter-of-factly.

Harry sighed heavily. Is this what children did when they weren't raised to fight the dark arts?

"You okay in there Al?" Harry asked.

"Yup!" Al called back through his snow encasement, the snow around his mouth shifting and breaking apart.

"Let's keep the torturing to about a five okay guys?"

"kay!" all the kids said this in unison and Harry shook his head. Oh to be young.

Harry walked back into the house but didn't get farther than the foyer. "Everything okay?"

"Hermione! Blimey! You scared me." Harry said as she seemed to appear out of nowhere.

She waited for him to answer her question. "Oh yea. Kids being kids." Harry said with a 'what can you do' look.

She looked at him pointedly and then back over her shoulder before slipping something in his hand and practically running back into the living room.

Harry took the item – which he realized to be a piece of parchment – and stuffed it in his pocket without a second thought.

_Harry, _

_ Please understand. .. I don't know what to say about what happened. You're my best friend. I love you. I always knew what I felt for you was a deep love but romantically?... I don't Harry. This is so hard to write with Ron, and Ginny and our children Harry! Our children! I just… let's just pretend it never happened._

_ Always, _

_ Hermione _

Harry held the crumpled note tightly in his fist. This note proved that Hermione felt it too – or felt something at least. She was avoiding it like she always did; like how she avoided telling Ron her real feelings about Lavender.

But what did he expect her to do? Divorce his best friend, forget their children and run away? Or better yet, divorce and remarry confusing the entire family tree, ruining their children's lives, and in all other ways being screwed?

Harry sighed heavily. There was nothing to be done. He tossed the note into the fire along with all his wrong decisions.

"Ron, please." Ginny said desperately. Her brother looked at her despondently.

"But Ginny. Harry and I don't really talk. We're not what you'd call verbose. You know that. We're not very emotionally open guys."

"But something is bothering him and he won't tell me! He thinks I can't read him but I can. He's… sad. But it's worse than that! Ron please, just… help him."

"Alright. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you."

Harry came into the living room, looking just as usual. It had been a lax day at work and for a moment he wasn't riddled with guilt and sorrow. That is, until his eyes landed on Ron and his wife chatting idly. The sight of Ron sent his chest heaving with remorse.

"Hi." Harry managed.

"Hey." Ron said easily.

"Hi Harry. I've got to run; I've got that meeting with my editor. The children are upstairs. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Love you." Ginny kissed Harry on the cheek – kissed the air next to his cheek would be more accurate – and she was gone; Harry barely had time to get out a good bye before she was out the door.

Harry and Ron settled into their usual normal conversations. Harry felt that maybe things could go back to normal as he chatted to his best friend while his children played upstairs. Maybe he could just pretend to never have kissed Hermione – he could pretend those feelings were never there. He could lock them away like he had been doing. He could love Ginny as always, talk to Ron freely without feeling like a vile betrayer, and move on away from the dark thoughts of shame and lust and longing.

"Ginny said you've been weird lately. Anything you want to talk about?"

Or he could be reminded at every turn that there was a ravine of lies caving inside his chest.

"She's overreacting." He meant to say this good-naturedly but his tone seemed to come out more abrasive than he meant.

Ron backtracked immediately, knowing Harry's temper. "Yea, women do that." He said easily.

Harry felt gratitude that Ron was able to stir Harry away from his bad moods. In fact, Ron had always been so able to handle Harry's temper and outbursts. Grant it, since the war ended Harry hadn't had many outbursts at all; he'd been so complacent in his life. But Ron had always been there to even Harry out when he was being a git.

And Harry had betrayed him.

By kissing his wife.

Ron had once confided in Harry that he felt that Hermione was his greatest victory; he had laughed sheepishly at this statement and looked around to make sure she hadn't heard. He hadn't meant it as thinking she was some conquest, but just that most of his life he was outshined by others, but then the beautiful girl chose him. Ron had said he always felt proud of that… that he could be good enough for the heroine.

Harry felt the bile rise in his throat as he remembered this conversation and connected it to the feeling of Hermione's soft lips on his own. He closed his eyes, willing the images away but that just brought them into sharp relief.

"Dad?" James called from somewhere in the house.

Harry's eyes popped open. Ron was staring at him worriedly.

"Yea?" Harry called back, surprised his voice was normal.

"Umm… you might want to come up here."

"I should let you handle that." Ron said, standing up with Harry.

"I only hope it's fixable." Harry said with a sigh. "See you later."

"See you."

Harry didn't wait for Ron to disapparate before jogging up the stairs to handle the crisis.

The quiet was nice; sitting in the kitchen reading the _Evening Prophet_. The children were back to Hogwarts to begin second term, the missus at a meeting, and Harry could enjoy some tea and solitude. A timid rapping on the door interrupted Harry's brief respite. He sighed, folding the paper and heading for the door.

The person on the other side of the door made Harry want to close the door and go back to his paper.

"Hi Hermione." He said, letting her inside.

"Hi." She said timidly.

Hermione began removing her traveling cloak and scarf, occupying herself with looking anywhere but at Harry.

"Tea?" Harry asked in an attempt of normalcy.

"Please."

Hermione followed Harry into the kitchen and he set to pouring a second cup.

"I came here for Ron." She said suddenly. "Where's Ginny?"

"At a meeting. What do you mean 'came here for Ron'?"

"He said you were acting weird. He asked me to come talk to you. He said I'm better at that stuff than him."

"Well, I'm fine. So feel free to report back that the crazy one is completely normal." Harry said bitingly.

"You don't have to snap at me Harry!" Hermione said, losing all of her newly acquired shyness.

"Oh what do you want from me Hermione! To pretend it never happened? Fine! But every time I look at Ron or at Ginny I get this guilt and I can't erase it from my chest Hermione! I can't stop thinking about it! About you! And it's killing me!"

The sound of Harry's raised voice seemed to echo in the kitchen, bouncing off the walls in a percussion of broken confessions.

"Why did you kiss me? You knew it would ruin everything." Hermione could feel the tears again and she cursed her weakness.

Harry felt the sting of her words; the accusation and the implication. "Because I was being selfish. I wanted to know what it would feel like. I have everything Hermione. Everything I've ever wanted. A family, great friends… but sometimes I feel like there's something missing. I don't know why I brought you into this. It's my own psychosis getting in the way of my own happiness. I'm sorry Hermione."

Hermione didn't speak for a long time. After a while Harry realized she wasn't going to. He was gripping the back of the chair he was standing behind and his knuckles were aching from the effort. Finally he looked at her.

"What are you thinking inside that brilliant head of yours?" he asked.

"We have to be honest about it. It's the only way we'll feel better." She said determinedly.

"Honest? You want me to tell my best friend and my wife that I kissed you?" Harry nodded as though considering. "Are you mental?"

"Harry… we have to."

"Hermione… if we tell them, I'll be divorced and best friend-less. You'll be fine because you didn't _do _anything. It was my fault. I'll be the one who loses everything." Harry's voice was shaking and Hermione hated that tone of weakness.

"Harry… they'll forgive us."

"You… I can't… I…" he couldn't formulate the right words to express how bad an idea this really was.

"The guilt will tear us apart until we do something about it."

"You have nothing to be guilty for Hermione! You. Didn't. Kiss. You!"

"Kiss?" Harry froze.

His wife was standing in the archway.

"Yea. Harry's being ridiculous." Hermione smiled sweetly. "You see, one time at school, we kissed." She blushed slightly. "And the other day, when we were at his parents graves, I mentioned it off handedly and it made him feel really guilty because he never told you or Ron."

"Oh!" Ginny's relief was palpable. "Well it was ages ago, that's not a big deal. Is that what has had you so upset Harry? Honestly, it's not that big of a deal."

Harry sighed. This was the perfect plan. Hermione had done it again. Now they could tell their spouses without really telling their spouses.

"Yea. I don't know why I felt bad. It was a lifetime ago." Harry said, easily falling into the lie.

"Well maybe now you can feel better." Ginny smiled. "Staying for dinner Hermione?"

"No thank you Gin. I better get home to Ron. He'll starve if I don't cook for him."

"He'll starve if you cook for him." Harry joked.

"Funny." Hermione hit him playfully in the arm. It was as though they were back to normal. "Well, I'll see you guys later."

"Bye 'mione."

"And what does my lovely wife want for dinner?" Harry asked, looping his arms around her waist.

"You." She smiled coyly.

Harry returned the smirk. "Done."

As he lay in bed staring at the moonbeams on the white ceiling three things became quite clear to the boy with the emotional scars. Firstly, he was in some deep way in love with his best friend Hermione Granger. She was brilliant, beautiful, and the only person he had ever trusted completely and wholly. There was something of a soul mate connection with them – regardless of any other circumstances in their lives; they would always have that. Secondly, Harry realized that his wife was the love of his life. She was amazing, understanding, fiery, and everything he could ask of the mother of his children. He loved her deeply and truly and there was no denying that. And thirdly, Harry realized that his life really was something close to perfect. He had the deep soul connection to his best friend, and the wholehearted understanding of one of the most glorious women he had ever known.

He didn't know how he could love two women. He had always thought one was the limit of the heart; but if his heart held the love for two then he accepted that. He would love them both in the ways that he could, and maybe he really was whole after all.


End file.
